Thursday, July 24, 2014

Focusing on Concentration


I am focusing on concentration or concentrating on focusing, not sure which is which anymore.

One of the gifts of Clomid is usually the increasing inability of my mind to focus. My thoughts are fleeting and sometimes just beyond my ability to grasp that thought or hold on to it. 

I have had the gift/curse of being clomid free for 2 months now and its very apparent after 2 days on clomid, what its doing to me.

I am second guessing everything I do or write (even on blogs or twitter) because I am not sure it makes sense or is the right thing to say or ....

I often draw a blank, I forget my thought mid-thought or is it mid-sentence?

I am also confused about the most obvious decisions, yesterday I stood pondering over my stove at what I wanted to cook and if I really wanted to cook that. (I plan my meals ahead usually so I dont have to do just that).

I miss being able to think clearly, I miss being able to trust my thoughts.

I am also all over the place on ideas, one minute I want to use mod podge (never tried it before) and another I want to use stencils and paint up all my containers. I have probably thought of 17 projects today and deep down realistically (while I can still think a little bit) I know that I may never do a single one of them.

Its also apparent to my colleagues (from whom I thought I could hide my clomid use this time around) that I am back on clomid. My tells? I asked them.

- Constant headaches
-Mood swings about food, one minute I want it one minute I dont. Fries for instant, ehh not tasting as good as they would normally.
-Not being able to finish thoughts or being all over the place and constantly interrupting conversations with things that are VERY much off topic.

Finally the TILTED VISION & dizziness & hot flashes which usually doesnt happen so early but usually after day 3 or day 4 of clomid. I still have that joy to look forward to.

I think this blog entry makes sense, at least to me, not sure if its all over the place like my thoughts.

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