Friday, June 7, 2013

Human nature

I know three people that are pregnant, great girls that I am genuinely happy for.  Yet when it comes time to participate in their happiness, discuss their pregnancy with them I find my enthusiasm faltering a bit.

I am happy for them but I mix it with my unhappiness for myself.  The loss I faced, the void I continue to experience.  I hate shopping for baby showers and I feel like I am a terrible person to compare my void with their lack of.

I am not wishing my fate on them.  Two of three also experienced loss and miscarried.  I just wish I could change my fate.

I wonder though, do I crave motherhood truly or because it is something that was denied to me?

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