After I miscarried on May 2nd, I shoved my feelings in a hole. I decided I was going to not make my decisions around the baby.
My appointment for the results of genetic testing was set for today, but I threw caution to the wind and postponed it a week. I was proud of this new attitude where I could not plan life around what if.
The inevitable happened, I m on vacation (for which I postponed appointment), and I got AF after miscarriage.
The nurse despite my pleading said the Dr won't let me start clomid till after our appointment. I m wasting a whole month.
I keep telling myself I wanted to wait 2 months after D&C anyway. I re-iterate to myself that this just gives my hematoma time to heal. I keep convincing myself that my uterus, sanity, body and marriage could use a longer break.
Nothing works though, for once I threw caution to the wind and extended my stay by a day, not wondering what if. That once was a mistake and I lose a month.
I have miscarried thrice, I don't even know if my inhospitable womb can ever give up its ways but for now I have a week to constantly worry what the results of the genetic testing hold.
Once I threw a pebble in the water, hoping the ripples wouldn't rock my boat so hard, they did. That is usually my luck though isn't it?