Friday, April 19, 2013

don't you feel stupid

that is what I have royall myself every month. from ovulation my anticipation builds for the next two weeks.I analyze every symptom, convince myself on some level that I m pregnant while outwardly trying to tel myself I m not.

then the damn cramps begin and the house of cards collapses, I hug that mini container of ben and jerry to commiserate.

not like with pcos I can eat more.

I feel like god really gave me the jackpot on all problems of fertility.

hard to get pregnant with pcos

hard to stay pregnant probably due to fibroids

like it or not myomectomy here I come, only so long I can close my eyes and hope just this once god will let it slide.

will god ? considering that I angrily threw a tantrum  when I miscarried and turned my back to god.I have slowly found my way back because I have begun to forgive myself.

I an not religious, I dont follow the rituals if my religion or my husband but I go believe in karma and being a good person, yet my karma punishes me.

I m not sure myomectomy is the answer but since we are flinging stuff at the wall hoping it sticks, here is one more procedure

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